Thursday, May 29, 2014

Slap Five.

Do you believe in the "turn the other cheek" aphorism, or do you really want to just punch people in the face?

I'm a punch some people it the face kind of girl, I guess.  Deep down, I think certain people really have it coming.  The thing is, I don't...  I don't ever punch anyone in the face.  I don't even punch a pillow while imagining it's someone else's face.  I don't have any violent tendencies, or even urges to actually hurt another human being.  But, I think about it:  like I see myself being awesome and just knocking someone out after they've been a complete mofo to me or my family.  I guess that makes me a bad person who doesn't do bad things?  Or a good person who only sometimes thinks about doing bad things?  I wield a sharp tongue, and use it occasionally. Does that count?
Gosh, I feel a rush of appreciation when someone wants to fight for me.  They want to defend my honor, and teach that bastard a lesson.  I love it.  I love to imagine it all play out.  Let someone else do the dirty work?

...But then I think about it, and I don't want anyone to be hurt...  not for me or because of me.  Even in a hypothetical, absolutely never really happen dream, I don't even want to hurt the boy who raped me when I was 17.  Not because he hurt me.  I survived.

If a person threatened my life or my children, I would fight to the death.  I was the only one in my you-need-gym-credits-to-graduate-self-defense-college-course who enthusiastically responded to the instructor's question, "Would you maim or kill if your life was being threatened?", "Absolutely.  I would maim or kill that bastard."  Then I realized that maybe that was a rhetorical question, and that no one else had verbalized a positive response.  And I was smiling.  I think the other girls and one boy in that class were a little scared of me.  My roommate certainly raised her eyebrows and elbowed me.  Don't worry, Em, I had your back.

Aren't we really the most hard on ourselves?  Don't we cause ourselves harm, in ways we wouldn't consider inflicting on someone else?  I think we do.  I often think, I've given it a good go, and it's time to give everyone in my life a chance to have someone super-great and wonderful to fill in for me... I mean, in a way, I was the fill in, and they would finally get the real thing... Right?  Or, I think:  My kids deserve better than what I've got.  I don't want to ruin there lives with my health-related nonsense.  They shoot horses don't they?  

I would never let someone I love think that way, or talk that way.  I would do everything I could to convince them that they mattered.  I don't do that for myself.  Not very often; not anymore.  I sometimes think I've given it a really good shot, or God has given me a really good shot and I kind of blew it.  No one should be tired all the time.  I think someone else would do a whole lot better at being me.  I honestly think I'm a huge disappointment, that my stupid body has failed me, and I'll never feel okay again.  I don't want to be sick anymore.  I don't want to schedule that MRI, and go to a sleep clinic, and have more blood tests, and...  I was fine just a few years ago.  I was fine.  

Unfortunately, I don't think I can maim or kill this thing who has taken over my being, and made me less than what is needed for living...  I can't yell at it, or lecture it into submission.  I've tried.  I'm home alone a whole lot, so I can yell stuff whenever I want, and the kids won't worry that "mommy has gone off the deep end."  "Stop it!  Just leave me alone!  Let me wake up, you %^#!%$*&!"  Or, when I can barely lift my limbs, and breathing seems like an effort, I whisper, "Please, not today...  Let me be a good mother."  Because, you know, compared to who I was, my kids probably think I've already fallen off that cliff.  I hope it's not true. 

Sigh...  Maybe when I hit the bottom, I was sleeping, so I didn't feel a thing.  Maybe I'm still falling and haven't encountered that impact.  Maybe I'm floating to the bottom, in a dream, in slow motion--No adrenaline rush. 


Step 9: Run to safety, call 911, and get help. 

This image below was all over the web, saying a sentiment like: "Share it, you could save a life.  :)"  I would not have added the smiley face, that was definitely there.  Now, it's frightening that the smiley version was shared with such velocity, because the "instructions" of the steps were not accurate.  The point of the image is to show the steps of a very quick and fluid reaction, broken down into smaller parts.  When a woman is being attacked by a larger, stronger man, speed of reaction is critical.  This entire reaction should take less than 30 seconds.  I replaced the ridiculous instructions from the original post, to the correct instructions.

Always, if you realize your are being pursued, and have the chance to run and escape, Run!  If you realize you can't escape, you will do this.  You are turning and giving yourself some control over the situation.  As you can imagine and have seen on way too many movies and TV shows, being gained upon, then caught from the back happens too often.  If someone grabs you from behind, I hope you know the first thing to do is let your body go limp, dead weight.  You have a chance of catching him off guard, and you getting out of his arms.  You will end up on the ground, but your legs should be free to scissor kick his legs and bring him down, or bring your heel up into his groin.



Step 1: Step back the moment he reaches for you, so your feet are square on the ground.

Step 2: Bend your knees, lean into your movement upward.

Step 3: Bring your body up under him, so the back of your  head hits under his chin.  You have squared your feet, and crouched down, so you have the force to come up fast and hard.

Step 4: Knee him in the balls. 

Step 5: When he doubles over, bring your elbow down on his back.  

Step 6: Don’t lose contact.  He can still possibly run after you.  Grab his head and bring it down on your knee as you bring your knee up. Follow through all the way.

Step 7: Your leg will go up with the follow through, as he goes to the ground.   

Step 8: With all your force slam your heel into his side. These steps should incapacitate him long enough so he can't pursue you when you run. 

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