Thursday, January 19, 2017

Los Santos

I'm a character.
My character is an animated, video-game version of me, and my husband spend time with that me when he's stressed.  (Lord knows I can be a stressful entity when I'm PMDD)
.  He created a female protagonist for the storyline which involves a whole lot of crime and driving around, in the fictional Los Santos, "located in California." And, unlike my real life, (I can't drive right now, and I spend almost every day in this darn house), When Sam assumes the virtual version of me, he is not even isolated to the couch in our living room.  It's an online, multiplayer world, full of users from all over the world.

My Grand Theft Auto V character is so much cooler than I am.  She has tons of expensive cars, clothes, and she is extremely active.  She is never in bed--not even for sleeping--and she is never wearing yoga pants or pajamas.

She's pretty too.  She has blonde hair, styled in a ponytail, with bangs and layers that fall out around her face, like my hair does.

Sam created her. He introduced me to her the other week.  I got to pick out the outfit she would wear for her next mission, and I found her closet seriously lacking, however I was surprised she did kind of look like me.  I mean... it was weird.  She has a long face, and pointed chin like mine, I said.  He told me how he could adjust the face shape and her nationality so it fit closely to my own face. She has my eye color.

Hmmmm...  Computer generated me has a pretty dark tan.  I am not so tan.  And her waist is thinner; the fake kind that dips way in...  There aren't really any options for creating a body that isn't a bit hooched up, when it comes to females in video games.  Create your perfect cyber girl...  What would her body look like?
Virtual me has big boobs, a tiny waist, and curved hips.  Hey, I'm good with that.

"She has venus dimples, like yours," Sam showed me.

Can you make her waist a little thicker, add a c-section scar, or, like, stretch marks on her stomach? Oh, just kidding.  

Blue Face...
I got pulled in.  Darn it.  She now has a closet full of outfits.  (I'm pretty sure I actually need red leather pants in real life).  Sam let me direct a shopping spree, once I realized the outfits he had put together were either bulky-tactical, or mismatched-sexy-secretary-hooch-fest.  Ah yes, I am the one who made sure she had a few pairs of skinny jeans, some black leather leggings, black LB platform heels, basic black stiletto booties, and plain (various colored) fitted tees that would match the multitude of random leather jackets in her in her closet.  Yes! I felt the need to round out her wardrobe!  Yes, even though seeing the entire virtual world which Sam was living in whenever he needed to "de-stress" involved a sexier, digitized version of me was disturbing.  And yes, the least I could do was give direction in a proper wardrobe, and tell him that a white, French-style beret went with nothing in the closet... nothing...

And that's all.  He plays that game a lot.  I only watched him "play" that one time, when he introduced me to the character.  He plays when he needs to unwind, which feels like it probably shouldn't include me or the kids.

At least that me wears stylish virtual outfits now?

(Update:  1/22/17
Michael decided that the character should not just be a woman of crime and fashion and had her open an import/export business, in which she is CEO and only employee, it appears, although I do know she has an assistant, and wears very professional business attire on the job.  From his yelling while he is actually playing the game, or "working on the business operations," it seems like there are some difficulties, like losing shipments, however, I'm glad he wanted me to be more industrious and law abiding.  Previously it seemed like I was stealing a lot of cars, [police cars, even], and just driving poorly around the city, and blowing shit up in leather pants and 5 inch heels.  But I also realized, though he had good intentions, my son was playing GTA.  I told Sam I was going to smash the PS4 to pieces if he kept letting our children play games rated for teenagers.

1/29/17
I haven't smashed it yet.   Do I exist beyond a virtual reality that I don't even get to be a part of?  I don't know.  I don't know.)