If I had posted on Sunday, as I had planned, this would have been a very upbeat and joyful piece of writing about Mother's Day and family. I might have even given you that fun little recipe of the eggless chocolate cake we often attribute to the 1930s. Yet, less than 24 hours later, my mood has shifted dramatically. I have spent a marked amount of days being very positive about a lot of things. For example:
My children started playing T-Ball. If you want to see something joyful, watch small children, who have no idea what they are doing, try to play an organized sport. It was lovely. I was laughing at points, with tears running down my cheeks. Michael had a difficult first day, and Sam and I did realize we had failed them in some way, by not teaching them how to throw, catch, hit, etc. He cried at one point saying, "I feel like a failure." Poor little guy. However, the next day we bought them their own little gloves, Stella a pink bat, and they were practicing in the yard. They picked it up fast, and most importantly, they were having fun. They already had one game and it was delightful and silly.
We spent Mother's Day at my aunt's house with a large number of extended family, including my grandmother. My grandmother is so beautiful and inspiring. She is all that I want to be as a mother. My family is filled with wonderful mothers and wonderful women.
However, my mood crashed so quickly, by Monday I was feeling bitch cakes. I mean the biggest, quadruple-layer bitch--wedding style--cake. I believe hormones are involved. I think a woman can just tell when hormones are involved. I kind of hope they are, otherwise I'm just freaking crazy for no reason.
I am considering the idea that I could be suffering from PMDD. I often think of Sylvia Plath and the speculation that this was what plagued her life and led to her death. Being a woman can suck sometimes...
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