Wednesday, June 22, 2016

My sister speaks of rivers...

So, I have a little sister.  She is my very best friend.  She is 10 years younger than me.  She is 28, I am 38.  She was 8, when I was 18.  She was 18, when I was 28.  I was 10 when she was born.  Get it?

She's full of life.  She's adventurous.  She has always jumped into the lake.
She jumped into Walden Pond.
She jumped into the Connecticut River.
She can be spontaneous.
She doesn't hesitate by the water's edge and think, "Should I?  Is the water temperature to my liking?"
"Oh, but I am wearing all my clothes."
She just does it.
She dives in first, then laughs coming back to shore.

I hesitate and think too much.  I'm not sure if I've always been an over-thinker, but it must be true.  I mean, I think so.  My sister jumps in.  She just does it.  She can do anything.

I'm in awe of her, sometimes.  I want to jump.

I also understand my life is different than hers.  I could have jumped into lakes and rivers when I was 28... Well, maybe a bit before then... When I was 28 I had newborn twins.  They were sucking milk out of me every two hours.

But...I was the kind of girl that could jump into the water. I would think too much first, but I would eventually stop thinking and just do it.  I'd just do it.  Jump.  I knew I could do anything.  I just had to make a plan first.  Or, at least, I think about it a lot afterward.

I jumped.  I've jumped in my life, closing my eyes and just feeling my body slide into the water, and realizing I had to breathe, then knowing I could swim, that I was safe.  I was fine.  I was exhilarated.  I jumped and I wanted to jump.  If I had let my overthinking take over my life, I wouldn't have been able to do it.  I wanted to jump.  I needed to jump.  I knew it.  Sometimes we get in trouble for jumping in.

But fuck that.  I've been in trouble for awhile now for splashing in, and laughing, and feeling.  I'm in trouble for being "impulsive," when I've never felt happier than when I didn't think too much, and I just did what I wanted... what I needed...  At least what I felt I needed and wanted.

It's not...  Okay, to do what we think we need or want, sometimes.  You know?

Being impulsive is not a positive personal quality for an adult...  I think.

Right?

Yet... I still watch her come out of the water, laughing.  And I wish it was me.



I Follow Rivers

Oh, I beg you: can I follow?
Oh, I ask you: why not always?
Be the ocean, where I unravel.
Be my only, be the water where I'm wading.

You're my river running high.
Run deep. Run wild

[Chorus]
I, I follow, I follow you
Deep sea, baby, I follow you
I, I follow, I follow you,
Dark doom, honey. I follow you

He a message; I'm the runner.
He's the rebel; I'm the daughter waiting for you.

You're my river running high.
Run deep. Run wild

[Chorus]
I, I follow, I follow you
Deep sea, baby, I follow you
I, I follow, I follow you,
Dark doom, honey. I follow you

You're my river running high.
Run deep. Run wild

[Chorus 2x]
I, I follow, I follow you
Deep sea, baby, I follow you
I, I follow, I follow you,
Dark doom, honey. I follow you

[Repeat until end]
I, I follow, I follow you deep sea, baby,
I follow you
I, I follow, I follow you, dark doom, honey,
I follow you

-Lykke Li



1 comment :

Anonymous said...

This is amazing! Wow!