Phoenix.

Beauty from fire.

There aren't any:  Phoenixes are fictional beings.  They are mystical, magical, but fictional creatures.  Someone called me a unicorn, once.  Those aren't real either, are they?  It's all pretend.  

I don't believe anyone rises from the flames.  I think they maybe come out charred and burned, and scarred, and have reminders of their past, but they don't become more beautiful and strong after something so destructive as a fire... a fire that consumes.  

Rise

You can take a swing at my ego,
you can make a run for my crown.
Even with an army of people
you ain't gonna take us down.
You can aim your evil right at us,you can drop your bombs on the ground.
Even if your stand makes me nervous,you ain't gonna take us down.

There'll be no need for crying
if darkness fills the skies.
We'll go on forever like the phoenix
we will rise up from the ashes.

This world is ours tonightWe'll go on forever like the phoenix
We will rise. We will rise.

You can take a swing at my ego,
you can make a run for my crown.
Even with an army of people
you ain't gonna take us down. No!

You can aim your evil right at us,
you can drop your bombs on the ground.
Even if your stand makes me nervous,you ain't gonna take us down.

There'll be no need for crying
if darkness fills the skies.
We'll go on forever like the phoenix
we will rise up from the ashes.
This world is ours tonightWe'll go on forever like the phoenix
we will rise. We will rise. -Skylar Grey

Home
I'm a phoenix in the water
A fish that's learnt to fly
 I've always been a daughter
But feathers are meant for the sky
So I'm wishing, wishing further
For the excitement to arrive
It's just I'd rather be causing the chaos
Than laying at the sharp end of this knife

With every small disaster I'll let the waters still
Take me away to some place real
'Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you're alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
It's not just where you lay your head
It's not just where you make your bed
As long as we're together, does it matter where we go?
Home home home home

So when I'm ready to be bolder
And my cuts have healed with time
Comfort will rest on my shoulder

And I'll bury my future behind I'll always keep you with me
You'll be always on my mind
But there's a shining in the shadows I'll never know unless I try
With every small disaster I'll let the waters still
Take me away to some place real

'Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you're alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
It's not just where you lay your head
It's not just where you make your bed
As long as we're together, does it matter where we go?
Home home home home home home home

'Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you're alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
It's not just where you lay your head
It's not just where you make your bed
As long as we're together, does it matter where we go?
Home home home home - Jasmine Thompson


Under the Table
It already started
I tried to stop it but I already know
You are something I should do without
But I won't
I'm under the table
Just keep wishing I'll come out but I don't
You are something I should do without
But I won't

Please tell me that this could be easy
I'm tired of waiting for permission to love
Heartbreak is your game, but I'm learning
My heart could be yours, won't you make it your home

I'm already falling
I couldn't help it, didn't think of the risks
I got a problem, problem when I look in your eyes
You're mine and you know it
I'd still do it even if we were cursed
Won't you be my problem it's okay with me if it hurts

Rise.

Please tell me that this could be easy
I'm tired of waiting for permission to love
Heartbreak is your game, but I'm learning
My heart could be yours, won't you make it your home (x3) - Banks

And I believe home is where you are.  That's another illusion... to believe anything else.  It's not burying your face in her hair, or his neck.  It's not inside her, or in his arms.  It's not love.  Home is not a person.  Home can't be a person.  It's not a physical place, either.  It's inside you.  You just can't rely on someone else to make it for you.  Don't do that.  If they belong to you and if you gave birth to them: they are part of you, and they are part of your home.  But people really aren't your home.  

You can't make a person your home.  If you rely on that ideal then you will end up homeless. What if they aren't there anymore?  Then you're just floating in space, hiding under a table, not knowing where the fuck you are, or where you're supposed to go.  Some music makes you feel less alone...  Some tells you that you'll end up feeling alone for the rest of your life if you believe in illusions and pretend.  You have to be home in your own skin, I guess.  I think you have to find home in what you have and who you are, and not what you want to pretend or what could be.  You can't believe in what could be, because it's never what is.  You aren't what you could be, you are who you are.  

There is one red bird I believe in:  The Cardinal.  My grandparents loved cardinals and always told me to make a wish when I saw one.  A few days ago, I was sitting in a swinging chair, outside on the deck with the sun on my face. A male cardinal flew above me and landed on the beam over my head.  I said, "Hi grampy.  Tell me."  I know what he would say.  I know.  And I know he's not a cardinal.  My grandmother thinks it's funny when people in the family say such things like a cardinal is a sign.  I told her, No, it's just a reminder... maybe a moment when we need to think of grampy and of you, and it helps us focus on good.

Lord, I acknowledge my sinfulness. I ask you to empower me with your Holy Spirit, that I may resist temptation and “choose life rather than death” - good rather than evil - in the ordinary circumstances of my daily life. Amen.