Full of Something.

I already have something good to write about:  It's about people.  It's about good people: Family, and love.  It's about the feeling there is no hope, and things looking very bleak, and then family is suddenly there, just when you need them, to hug you and tell you they love you, and help you.

And we went to the Mass for the Feast of the Immaculate Conception.  The kids had catechism and then we went to Mass right after that, at 5:30.  The kids were attentive and good.  I closed my eyes and tried to let all of my Faith, all my childhood, all my Catholic family history, the love of my family, the love of Mary and the Heavenly Father, and a belief in myself as a human being to come to me.  I made it there.  I was there in church, not in my bed.  I could close my eyes and pray and feel blessed by God.

I have a long way to go.  I know I am loved.  I know my family loves me.  I have family, and I have love.  I'm not alone.  I feel so lonely, so often, but I'm not alone.  I matter.   When you are loved, you matter.  You matter.  You matter.

How do people know to come and help you right when you need them to?  How can they hug you at just the right time, when you feel so untouchable and empty?  And they make you feel full of something good.  You fill up with something good.  Even if you have a lot of healing to do, you are full of something good.  And you aren't alone.


                                                                          Save Me

You look like... a perfect fit,
For a girl in need... of a tourniquet.
But can you save me?
Come on and save me...
If you could save me,
From the ranks of the freaks,
Who suspect they could never love anyone.

'Cause I can tell... you know what it's like.
A long farewell... of the hunger strike.
But can you save me?
Come on and save me...
If you could save me,
From the ranks of the freaks,
Who suspect they could never love anyone.

You struck me dumb, Like radium
Like Peter Pan, or Superman,
You have come... to save me.
Come on and save me...
If you could save me,
From the ranks of the freaks,
Who suspect they could never love anyone,
Except the freaks,
Who suspect they could never love anyone,
But the freaks,
Who suspect they could never love anyone.

Come on and save me...
Why don't you save me?
If you could save me,
From the ranks of the freaks,
Who suspect they could never love anyone,
Except the freaks,
Who suspect they could never love anyone,
Except the freaks,
Who could never love anyone.