Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Three latches.

I am listening to the sounds of my ever-changing life.

...Stella got a new (100 year old) violin today and will begin lessons.  She is playing it by "ear" and doing fairly well, considering she has never played a violin in her life.  She has always been musical.  She is so thrilled.  She is going to be a talented musician...

"Here's how you take care of it mommy...  then you don't just close one latch... one two latches... you have to close all three!  Otherwise someone might pick it up and it will fall out and break to pieces."

...I am listening to Sam and Michael play their new PS4, Which they really, really needed and not just wanted.  They bought it after Christmas with any money given to the Sam and I, or to Michael.  They are playing Battlefront, a Star Wars game.  They are yelling at the TV, and at the console, and to each other...

...I am listening to Stella, now, tell me stories of her snow adventure this morning, following kitty prints and fox prints and tramping around the yard.  I had a migraine.  I should have been more aware of what was happening with my children....

Sam bought more rum, today.  Every bottle is the last bottle to be purchased, and we will taper... There is always a new bottle.  I don't know what to do... because I want to drink... I want to stop thinking and feeling and wondering... I want to stop everything except the good things that are happening in my life right now, and pretend the not so good things aren't real...  and the good things from the past, that are no longer real were never real.  I want to just listen to a 8 year old play a violin and a boy yell at a video game and tune out everything else that could corrupt my thoughts and make me feel anything but that this is the life... This is my life...

Life.

I truly understand no one reads this.  I'm not stupid...  Any "views" that show up are because I've cleared the history and cache on my computer and need to reset the settings to "do not track your own views.".   Isn't that sad...  I feel like it's very sad... I'm sad... that I write to the air, and empty space, and no one at all...

Looking at it now
It all seemed so simple
We were lying on the couch
I remember
You took a Polaroid of us
Then discovered (then discovered)
The rest of the world is black and white
We were in screaming color
I remember thinkin'


Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we in, are we in the clear yet? Good

Looking at it now
Last December
We were built to fall apart
And fall back together
Your necklace hanging from my neck
The night we couldn't forget, when we decided
To move the furniture so we could dance
Like we stood a chance
Two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying

Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we in, are we in the clear yet? Good
Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we in, are we in the clear yet? Good

I remember you hit the brakes too soon
20 stitches in the hospital room
When you started crying, baby I did too
When the sun came up, I was lookin' at you
Remember when we couldn't take the heat
I walked out and said I was setting you free
But the monsters turned out to be just trees
And when the sun came up, you were looking at me


Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we in, are we in, are we in the clear yet? Good
Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we out, are we out, are we out of the woods?
Are we in, are we in, are we in the clear yet? Good

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